Red One (2024)
Jake Kasdan’s Red One is an unsuccessful attempt at merging Christmas with stunt-heavy action. The goal was obviously to reinterpret the legend of Santa Claus, an idea I’m not automatically against. What I am against are reinterpretations that aren’t very flattering, that make no sense – and are not necessarily family friendly, as the frequent use of the S word demonstrates, along with one instance of the F word getting cut off mid syllable (the film earns its PG-13 rating). That’s doubly odd, because, like most Christmas-themed movies, there are also moments of warm, fuzzy sentimentalism that younger audiences would respond to. So, what is this movie? An adult-oriented slugfest, or a tween-aimed comic-book spectacular? Exactly which audience was it made for?
In this version of the legend, Santa is a thin but very in-shape old man (J.K. Simmons); he can do 500 pushups in just a few minutes, and he can bench press over 200 pounds. The North Pole city he lives in, which is covered by a magic invisible dome, is a bizarre, confusing operation, run like a cross between the FBI and an industrial storage facility, with magical portals into the Employees Only areas of toy stores. Santa also works in conjunction with the American government – and seemingly only the American government, which doesn’t make sense because we’re told right off the bat that he delivers presents to everyone on Earth, meaning in many countries with different governments. The buildings in the North Pole are ugly and drab, save for Santa’s headquarters, an eyesore of a futuristic spire. There are creatures we expect like elephant-sized reindeer and a polar bear – named Garcia, no less – although I wasn’t expecting Antarctic penguins or elves that look like they came from Middle Earth.
Santa has what can only be described as a secret service, led by the imposingly buff Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson), who’s several hundred years old and has grown disillusioned with the adults of the world and wishes to retire. He wears on his forearm a device that magically resizes himself and other objects. We’re not told how it works, only how it doesn’t work – i.e. you can make a Hot Wheels car life-sized and drivable, but you can’t do the same for a Wonder Woman doll, simply because “that’s not how it works.” Seems a bit arbitrary, but never mind. He and Santa first appear at a Philadelphia mall, which already begs several questions. For one, does this version of Santa do the same thing at all malls on the planet, or is he exclusive to Philadelphia? Does he always make it a point to be seen in broad daylight with the masses?
The plot: When Santa is kidnapped by Grýla, the Christmas witch of Icelandic folklore (Kiernan Sipka), Drift and the North Pole’s vaguely defined but reliably authoritative director (Lucy Liu) forcefully recruit mercenary hacker and bounty hunter Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans) to track him down. O’Malley, who didn’t realize his most recent sale to the highest bidder led to Santa’s kidnapping, is a selfish, bitter, cynical man, largely absent from the life of his troubled adolescent son (Wesley Kimmel) and isn’t above literally stealing candy from a baby. His introduction as a boy establishes two things: (1) His initial disbelief in Santa Claus; (2) his resentment at being abandoned by his father, a plot point the filmmakers saw fit to bring up and then immediately drop. Of course he would be introduced this way; the mission to save Santa and Christmas is his shot at redemption.
It’s also an opportunity for the filmmakers to include several fight scenes loaded with stunts and special effects. One takes place in Aruba, where demon snowmen with the curious inability to melt in the tropical sun show up in an ice cream truck that appears out of the ocean. Another involves Krampus (Kristofer Hivju), who despite his Germanic origins speaks in an Eastern European accent not too far removed from Dracula; the inventor of the dreaded naughty list, as well as being connected to Santa and Grýla in ways I won’t reveal, he lives a royal lifestyle in a Bavarian castle surrounded by sycophants that look like they came from the Star Wars universe. He also has regular slapping matches with those who dare to take him on. I concede that fight scenes can be entertaining, although I’m not convinced they add anything of value to a Christmas movie.
When a story makes a clear distinction between good and evil, it should be obvious who we’re supposed to root for. But when you hear Grýla’s explanation for wanting to kidnap Santa, you may find, as I did, that you’re more inclined to root for her. And why was Bonnie Hunt cast as Mrs. Claus? She’s a good actor, but her wholesome Midwestern sensibilities suggest a traditional, lighthearted Mrs. Claus, which is all wrong for an action-oriented Christmas movie. I think Lucy Liu would have been a better casting choice. Or perhaps Angelina Jolie. Or Cameron Diaz. Clearly, Red One was not completely thought through. It has far too many gaps in logic, the plot is ridiculous, and there was no apparent consensus on what audience it should cater to. What a lump of coal.
